On my daughter's 1st bday

On my daughter's first birthday, I took the day off but had to take a conference call in the morning. I was having much success at my job, but he was never supportive. I was a new mom and that stress was new. I had a high-profile job and that stress was new. Altogether he just felt threatened that my time and energy was spent somewhere else. While I was on the conference call, he was making all kinds of noises - slamming things, swearing up and down, making me distracted. I only had 20 important executives with me on the phone and it took two months of coordinating these people into one audience. I was livid. I called him on it. He was enraged - he broke my laptop in two, stomped on my cell phone and threw it down the toilet. He threw me down the stairs, ripped my clothes and took a glass of soda from the table and poured it on me. My daughter was crying, I had to get escape. She was so terrified and so was I. I tried calling 911 but he cut off the phone before I could get connected. I ran out of the house, clothes ripped, dripping wet and horrified - I went from house to house and rang the bell but no one was home. He later caught up to us, made us to back inside the house. The police eventually came to respond to the 911 hang up, took a statement and took his gun away.

Later on, after the police left - he softened his voice and said, 'Why did you do that? Why would you get us in trouble like that?" As if all that doing was my fault. He made me feel crazy, like all this happened because of what I did. He made me/us clean up, and said we should celebrate my daughter's bday like we should. He took us to the zoo, and he acted like nothing happened. We even have pictures and everything. I was a mess, I was trembling the rest of the entire day. But he would shoot me poisonous looks every time I showed any signs of being upset, and I would straighten myself up and act normal.

I had to lie to my work, saying my laptop bag got accidentally run over and my computer and phone were damaged. I had a feeling that my boss knew that it was a tall story. I offered to pay for my own new computer but she let it go. I was embarassed and ashamed of the lie, and the truth.

I was never the same after that. I was having body aches, and my doctor couldn't find the cause. She said it must be stress. I ended up going to therapy, but I wasn't honest, I blamed my demanding job and was prescribed an anti-depressant. I continued to live the lie, he kept putting pressure on me to "be a mom" and "get my priorities straight" and bullied me everytime he saw I was working on a project. Ultimately he made me think that my job was too stressful and it was taking too much out of me and told me I should quit.

I did quit that job, a job that I loved, a job where I was successful. He was threatened by it, saw that it was important to me, and decided to do what he can to make it difficult for me.