"Getting my priorities straight"

This incident happened on Thursday, March 12th, 2009.

I left work early, around 4:30pm. On my way to the car, I call him to let him know that I left early and also to warn him that I had to take a call at 6:00 pm for work. I explained to him that my hope was it would be a short call, possibly 30 minutes to an hour, and that it was the only time that was good since I'd be talking to clients that are from Singapore (it would be 8am their time). I could tell that he was irritated when I told him this. I told myself, he should be able to handle the kids for an hour or so, as I do when he takes late calls like this. This rarely happens for me, so I'm thinking, it should be ok.

When I got home, I can tell he was in a bad mood. I'm pretty sure its because I have to take this call. I made sure that the kids had a snack, and put on a movie for them so they can keep busy. 15 minutes into the call I can hear him yelling at the kids downstairs. This made me feel anxious. 30 minutes, and its still going, and I am stressing out. He goes upstairs and yells at me (thank goodness I had the phone on mute) "How long are you gonna fucking take? The kids are getting restless!" I told him it seems that the call is taking longer than I thought - I apologized, and told him to hang on a little longer. He walked away mumbling "Fuck this..." I could hear him in the kitchen (this is from upstairs, mind you - so you can tell he made sure he made a lot of noise); he was banging pans/pots, closing the sliding door really loudly, and continuted to yell at the kids. He even picked up the phone downstairs and started pushing on the buttons. When he thought that wasn't effective, he gave the phone to my 2 year old so he could play with it, knowing that he would talk into it or push the buttons so my phone call can be distrupted. I do not know of any mature adult that would let that happen, no matter how angry they were, let alone let it happen on purpose.

So when I was done I came downstairs, and asked him calmly why he would do such things. Of course he denies it, said, "I can't watch the kids this whole time, I'm busy making dinner - that's what happens when you take calls at home like that." I said, "that's not fair. When I know you are working late, I try to keep the kids as quiet as possible, make the situation as easy for you but yet you do the opposite for me. I don't work this late as often, and I would hope that you would do the same considerations for me, especially when it happens only once in a blue moon." He just scoffed at me. He said, "I don't care about your job. We can't BOTH do this, work extra hours, someone has to take care of the kids. Why can't you get your priorities straight? Your place is to take care of this family!"I was shocked that he even said something like this. I was so angry, I just felt so disrespected, and was made to feel like I was just second rate. I just couldn't believe that after the support that I had poured into his efforts when it came to his career, that he would treat me this way, and that he wouldn't reciprocate. I told him, "You know that my job is important to me. But don't mistake that my family comes second, especially when you know that is completely untrue. " He goes on to say, "Fuck your job. You can quit it if they are going to ask you to work late hours like this. You can easily get another one anyway. Your place is at home, your kids always should come first." I was in shock, I just couldn't believe that I was hearing all of this. When all I do is take care of my family, with my needs second - I can't even rely on him to do me this one favor. ONE SMALL FAVOR. In return for the MANY I have given him, because I love him and support him. This is my job, a second income that helps feed this family. Something that I am proud of, that I work hard for. He just said he doesn't give a damn about it, and that its not important at all. He said, "You dont' need to do all of that, fuck them. You dont' need to go to stupid award shows (our company was nominated for a few awards, and pushed him to 'allow' me to go to the dinner to support my company). After 5pm, you shouldn't be working, your place is at home, taking care of your home!" I just couldn't get over it. I said, "Why can't we both have careers? Why can't we both hold our jobs important to us, and support each other? I have asked you for an hour, why are you making me feel I have forsaken my family for taking one phone call?" He told me to "Shut the fuck up!". All this happened in front of the kids. I told him, "Don't you ever talk to me that way. I don't talk to you that way. No one deserves to be talked to that way." He just said, "Are you still talking?" I took the kids in the other room. My hands were shaking. I went back to the kitchen where he was to get a drink, and I saw a knife on the table. I seriously thought, that I was mad we enough to hurt him with it. The unthinkable entered my head. But I would never do it. I am not like him. No matter how awful he was to me, I'd never do something to hurt him. He was pushing me to the edge. He would mumble insults under his breath. I'd hear "fucking stupid" and "what kind of mother is she" and "fucked up priorities".

I was a mess for a week. I couldn't concentrate. I was agitated and nothing calmed me. When he noticed, he even got more exasperated because "I wasn't over it". He acted like nothing happened.